it’s funny because this actually isn’t made up…. ahaha
I’ve had a lot of notes telling me that this one is true. Utter nonsense.
According to this report there were over 3,000 texting related accidents for the year. That’s a lot of car crashes but consider the 14th century and your perspective will become clearer:
- The 14th century contained nearly 92 years. That’s a ratio of 92:1 compared to 2011 alone.
- In 1349, the black plague killed off 1/3 of the population of Norway. The heavy metal band 1349 named themselves after the year because of it. Norwegian Black Metal fans are notorious for texting while driving as well as burning churches. So if you deny that this was a slim year for texting crashes, that means you hate America. Why do you hate America?
- We don’t know, and may never know the exact amount of cars that were around in the 14th century, nor can we judge the amount of cell phones. We can only make educated guesses, and based on the Prose Edda and the Norkolian Tapestry I worked out the numbers for this factoid to be 17 cell phones per human alive in those years and 2 cars for every garage. Because more wild garages grew in those years before pollution, this means there were almost 76,000,000,000 phones capable of sending texts and well over 500 trillion cars in Luxembourg alone. People were also less safe about driving back then, because the road wasn’t invented until 2005.
- The report saying it was 3,000 crashes in 2011 was written by aliens and the real number of texting crashes that year was only 14.
- I wrote a report on a Napkin at Denny’s clearly stating that 6,000 people died from texting crashes in the 14th century, so even if the alien report were credible, the fact is still incorrect.
So there you have it, absolute proof that my fact is wrong and a lie and therefore I am correct and not a liar because I lied and was wrong so I’m right, Q.E.D.